Two Husbands'... Part 1, Chapter 10

Two Husbands in their Offices

Two Husbands in their office

SMALLY
Again, we are strong. We really think so!
What our pencils are doing
is really important.
Yes. We’ve buttoned up our coats and
really gotten to work!

BIGGY
Yeah, really figuring out dishes
and dashes
and other perfunctory things.

SMALLY
Perfunctionary things, you mean!

BIGGY
Performing things with our own unction
in meaning something!

SMALLY
Yes. We’re going to manipulate money figures
with numbers and come to see some good.
We wish.

BIGGY
Yes, we wish.
And hope.

(Pause)

Two Husbands and their non-discovery

By holding one of our numbers up
and anointing ourselves with it!
Bong on the head! - number seven.
Bong on the head - number eight.
Bong on the head - number six.
Bong on the head - number two.
Bash on the head - number green,
number blue and red.
And, blank on the face - numeral Rye,
whatever that’s to mean?

(He reaches for a bottle of Rye whiskey)

SMALLY
Then, we’re written off.

BIGGY
Right.

(Pause)

SMALLY
Okay. Thinking the numbers right
we hold them up aloft -
as we think that they’ll do good for us.
They’ll do anything and everything.

BIGGY
Certainly. Soon.

SMALLY
Yet all remains quiet
no matter how long we jump around with them -
no matter how long we hold them up aloft.

BIGGY
Up over our desks and paper,
suddenly, they are like mist or clouds.

SMALLY
Evaporated.
Turning into mini-molecules
already hidden from us.
And our stubby fingers
like stupid, leadless pencils can’t
grasp them or group them
to get a hold of any new sums
or fresh equations.

BIGGY
Yeah. They’re like silver flickerings
over the blackboard of many fish.

SMALLY
Hurrying herring.

BIGGY
Or, mackerel that can’t be seen
above the graph.

SMALLY
They disperse,
run quickly - instantly -
    into the lines.

There is an empty square there!
More than one, two!
Then, all of them!
        Gasp!
Yes, all of them are emptied out
because of our blundering.

BIGGY
Every net hole is
    stranded
    without a fish-faced number
    there.

Look where they’ve sunk
    to the bottom
    and cannot be seen;
hidden deep in the cold, watery shadows
    like drowned corpses
    under the sea weeds.

SMALLY
Where are our numbers?
Where have they gone?
What have they sunk into -
been immersed - or emerged into -
dispersed or detained into?

From air to water to gas -
    wherever they go
    they explode emptyingly out -
    (as if they are emptying)
    and are, once more,
    of no use to us.

BIGGY
Yes, we can’t get our hands on them.
Yes, they’ve lost their shape and form
and don’t stand up tall,
round and providing.

SMALLY
Not providing us anything!

NARRATOR
Two Husbands in their offices
and their non-discovery.
NOT important.
NO numbers adding up
or going ANYwhere! AT all!
SO there Two Husbands, I shout!
THOUGH, who am I? A new numbering recruit?

BIGGY
We must get out of the
world impure of numbers.
and find wheels or ways
to get outside of this office.
To get where we’re going, fast.

SMALLY
Do we need to think of numbers fair?

BIGGY
No, we don’t.
We’ll let go of them all now
and walk right out of the door.

SMALLY
What’s our new destination?

BIGGY
Wherever our wives are.

SMALLY
Oh, yeah, we’ll go get them!

(The Two Husbands do not leave the office)

Note to Readers: At this time, the Prince Giant has turned the Two Wives into two pennies, in Mexico.

(End of Chapter 10)